God doesn’t just laugh at your plans, He discards them.
We tell God our plans, our deepest desires and deepest
dreams. We share our disappointments and sorrows and ask Him – “why?” We cry
and call out desperately to a God who we think forgets us. Psalm 63 expresses
our feelings of abandonment: “my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for
you.” We think He is distant, that He wants us to realise
our own strength.
How wrong we are.
We are being stalked by the love of God. When we read in
Psalms 23:6 “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days
of my life,” what we are actually reading is “God is hunting us down to
give us His gifts, and not because we deserve them!” Following is a subtle,
submissive action, but the Hebrew word King David used for ‘follow’ here is the
same word as ‘stalk,’ or ‘hunt down.’ Nothing subtle about it!
God is love. He is who made our hearts and who our hearts
were made for. He is everything we need. God loves us so much He couldn’t stand
to just be an observer of our lives. God doesn’t sit back! He walked with Adam.
He talked with Moses. He became a man, to share our humanity and give us His
divinity. He suffered that we may understand just how much He loved us. “For
God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son…” What this is
actually saying is “God loved the world *like so*.” It is not simply a
declaration of how much He loved us, but more HOW He loved us.
Then, He left the Earth and wasn’t content to simply be a
God who was among us when He was incarnated. He is now within us. Every time we
consume Him in the Eucharist, His adorable blood pulses through our veins. Does
that scare you a little? Good. God likes to get personal, especially when we
don’t deserve it.
We read in Stephen Chbosky’s ‘The Perks of Being a
Wallflower’ that “we accept the love we think we deserve.” Yes. Yes, we do.
This is the exact reason why God disregards our plans. We accept the love we
think we deserve, but He knows what we deserve. He laughs at our dreams for
ourselves and says ‘is that it? Just wait – wait and see what I have planned for
you!’ His plans are unimaginable, inexplicable. They make our wildest human
reveries look like fairy tales written by Ebenezer Scrooge.
Why? Because only He that made you knows you and knows
your value. He knows what will make you happy, if only you put your life in His
hands and allow Him to show you the way: and more than that, to have the
courage to do what He wants, not what will merely keep you in your comfort
zone.
We are not ‘stuck’ where we are at the moment. We are not
here by coincidence or as a part of some cruel divine comedy God designed for
His own entertainment. Our situation now is meant to prepare us for the place
God wants to bring us into tomorrow. Trusting His plan is not contingent on
understanding it!
See, as impatient as we are, God’s timing is not ours. He
doesn’t operate on our schedule or when His plans suit us. His way is
infinitely greater. He is never too early and never too late.
Maybe some of you can relate to this: I know sometimes in
my life, I give God my struggles. I tell Him I want to trust Him, and to accept
that I’m trying. I tell Him that at least for now, trying to trust him
completely has to be enough until I can let go. Not long after this (often
dramatic) resolution and promise, I get impatient. I tell God He’s too slow. He
isn’t fixing it the way I want Him to. *He* isn’t enough. I snatch back my
baggage only to hand it back not long after, when I realise how weak I am. On
my own I am powerless, because I don’t rely on the grace from He whose “power
is made perfect in weakness.” Then I pray for perseverance and the cycle
starts over. Soon comes discouragement.
I’m learning - let go, let God. How can he fix me if I
never relinquish control???
I am trying, as we all are. For encouragement, allow me
to channel JPII: “you are not who they say you are, let me remind you who you
are.”
We are children of the King, the ultimate Father who
denies His children no good gift. Our King is not moved by the world. He walks
with us. He knows our every step and, as we walk, He lays down the gifts of grace along our path. Have no fear, we are His. Maybe one day, in Heaven, we will join with St. Augustine
in telling Our Lord: “You called, you shouted, and you broke through my
deafness. You flashed, you shone, and you dispelled my blindness. You breathed
your fragrance on me… I burned for your peace.”
Yahweh promised His bride Israel, as Jesus promised His
Bride, the Church (us!): “… I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved
you on the palms of my hands.” We spoke of Psalm 63 putting into words how
neglected we often feel. The psalmist later reassures us in the same stanza: “you
have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My
soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.”
... Jesus, I (want to!) trust in you.
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